It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
