i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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