Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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