hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
