Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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