just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
