I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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