She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
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We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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