Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
