Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
