Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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