Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
