The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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