meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
