Please, let me fuck your mom
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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