I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
