I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
