Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
