Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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