i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
