My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
