butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
