apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
