There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
