I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
