So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
