Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
