No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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