i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so explain again why im purple
no
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
