sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
