yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
