Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
