I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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