Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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