Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
