I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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