Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
