True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
