i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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