Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
