capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
