Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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