He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bring me that man meat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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