Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
