wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
