He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
