So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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