I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
