The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
