my vag is so smooth its legendary
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
