Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Small penises have feelings too.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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