Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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