Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
