Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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