so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
