either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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