You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
