I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I deserve this hangover.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
