Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.