I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How does one acquire holy water?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad