i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
farters have to be the big spoon...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.