I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
