you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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