I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
