i don't like sucking hair
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
