Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
