I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
