he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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