Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Terrible idea I love it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
