my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
