Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
