1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
