its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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