I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"