and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
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his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's